Since the holidays are the worst time to be single, I decided to try my hand at online dating. My friend Gina helped me create my profile and answer some really bizarre questions (When you see a child in front of you, do you a) smile, b) don't smile, or c) smile if no one's looking-is my soulmate really based on smiling at children, and isn't it relatively creepy if he answers "c?" Congratulations, Sapphire, you just married a Chester!). The best part was after we put together my profile, and started scanning through the potential dates. Here were some of my favorites:
1) I have severe halitosis, and hope that I won't offend you (there was a question about how often you brush your teeth. I answered twice a day, so I'm pretty sure that he was ruled out as compatible for me).
2) I am from France and am looking for a girl with a $150K dowry (hello, 17th Century. Is a suitable answer, I come with $40 in my checking account and 2 goats?)
3) If the buffet is out of macaroni and cheese, I'm outta there.
4) I can't live without my razor. In fact, if you have a home hair remover laser, I would be willing to buy it off you to laser off my neck hair.
So, for those of you who are happily married, congratulations. You can see what's left for the rest of us!
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